Geez.
Mixed emotions.
One thing: It was my first time thinking about how I am going to be as a med student if ever I didn't get into UPCM. Scary.
One more thing: The fact that I am going to med school in just a few months now doesn't excite me anymore. I don't know. Ann just mentioned yesterday (again), "excited na ako mag-med".. And it felt weird because everytime she says that, I easily get affected and begin feeling the excitement, too. But yesterday was different. I just rolled my eyes.
Another thing: Today, Blythe and I kept talking about the possible ways on how we are gonna earn money right away after graduation. It was like the 'alternative to medicine'. I don't deny the fact that I myself is tempted into thinking that it is possible for me not to pursue med anymore and find a suitable job instead. Holy crap. My dad's gonna kill me. Who doesn't want money anyway.
Important thing: It shows that I am not as prepared as how I thought I was after all. What is really happening pala is that I am just going with the flow. What they do, I do. What they plan, becomes part of my plan, too. What they want to be in the future, becomes what I imagine myself to be, too, in the future.
I am still not sure. And I can't just leave this like that.
Unexpected thing: The official list of graduating students for 2008 has been posted. The bad news is, my name wasn't there. What the-- .. um.. I submitted my app. for grad. form late. Maybe that's why. I checked on it at the OCS. They said they'll update it later. Ay nako, yang word na later, sumosobra na yan ha. Stop being so unsure.
Funny thing: With all this uncertainty of whether or not I'm gonna graduate on time (the list, thesis, etc), the fact that I am so eager to get over this final semester gets me laughing eventually.
Some other thing: Just like med, (lately) I wasn't been so optimistic about our thesis. It just passes me by. When something has to be done, I work. When done, it's done. No worries. Thinking of how I am going to handle it for the next couple of weeks up to the part where it actually ends is, just like med, still unsure.
Don't know what to do. Will I just wait and see how things are going to happen?
But things don't just happen. I can't just say that I would rather live everyday of my life as how it happens.
Man has options. I have choices. I make decisions.
One last thing: It's pointless not to think of these things right now.
The thing is: Shit happens. But it doesn't JUST happen.
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