Monday, January 21

Lively • Merry • Cheerful • Carefree • Gay

You know what, it is still unclear what really happened. At least to me. All I did was to respond to what I saw. To what I heard. To what I felt. But then, you didn't even bother.
You didn't think I'd notice it? Or maybe that's what you really wanted to happen.
It happened already. A long time ago. Now what?
It's not that I think it still matters, but, 'why do you keep on throwing things at me?' Silent but deadly, huh? Nice try.
'Coz you know what, everytime you do that, I get paranoid. It is as if you have a sniper and you really want that bullet to pass through my brain. Why am I paranoid. Does that mean that I am guilty of whatever you think I did? Will that put you on the good side and me on the bad side now? Wow. Not necessarily. Let's just think that, maybe, no matter how hard I try to deny it, I still f**kin' give a damn! About you. About what you say. Or do. Or whatever. Happy to hear that?

Why are you so mad anyway?
1) Maybe because you think I am selfish. But come on, I am a human being. And my senses are working properly. Hello (?) As if I made a decision just for nothing. You think I'm that stupid?
2) Maybe because you think you're the loser. Do I need to explain this?
3) Maybe because you are out your mind. You are insane. You have nothing to do. You want a fight. (Nah. I don't think so. Hmm.. *careful thinking* It seems, though.)
4) Maybe because for you, "It's better than nothing." Maybe despite all that has happened, you still have this goodie-goodie side that keeps on telling you to never give up, and instead of accepting the fact that it's totally over, you would rather start a fight with me just to keep us connected. (Sounds pathetic to me, but sweet. Too bad I can't associate even the slighest idea of it with you.)
5) Maybe because you think I didn't have any idea of what was happening then. I am insensitive at times, I know. But with something as important as this? No way.
6) Maybe you really have the answer and I don't get you that's why it's none of the above.
7) Maybe you're just naturally bad. Sagad to the bones.

You know what, you can keep throwing for as long as you want. If you're doing this to make you or someone else feel better, then go ahead. At least I'm helping.

Kaya naman, sige lang. Keep on hitting me with a hammer.
I assure you, it will feel so good when you stop.

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